wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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