I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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