I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
