I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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