i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
