What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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