i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize