No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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