he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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