why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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