So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
