i think i have two assholes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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