Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
