I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
