I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
