Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
