She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
