He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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