Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
