If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
