She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
