he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize