You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Randomize
