Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
