nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
