fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
