Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
