Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
