Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
