I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
