My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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