Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
