Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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