She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
