He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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