I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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