hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You can't just leave with hair like that
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize