Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
