just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
