Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
