I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
