Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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