Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
