I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
