im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
