So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ketchup is God's man juice
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
