Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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