Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
