Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Randomize
