Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
