There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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