i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize