my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
whose parrot is this?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
