Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
