the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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