I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
