How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
