Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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