I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
