So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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