thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
