I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I queefed so loud it echoed.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize