she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
