you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
