saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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