Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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