is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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