It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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