fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When did we convert life to cartoon?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
