You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
