How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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