Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
