A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
