oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
