i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
