I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
