how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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