Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm getting married
To pizza
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize