That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize