hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
