In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
