Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
