i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
