there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
