oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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