Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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