sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
