MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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