it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
