Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
