so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
