She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
