OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
