who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
