I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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