oh god the rape fog is back!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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