Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
