just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
