Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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